Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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