That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
