He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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