Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
