The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
