He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
