this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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