I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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