some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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