Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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