Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
