The best revenge is premature balding
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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