Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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