I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
