wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
