woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
