im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
