Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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