It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
