I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
