So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
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It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
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She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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