dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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