Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
