i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
