Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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