Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
