Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
