we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
