just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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