My friends, they love my intelligence
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
if i died would you start the facebook group?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
