so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
