It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
only if we run a train.
done.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
