best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize