If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
