Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
