Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
