do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
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can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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