Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
