i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
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She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.