All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
