the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
