I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm going to jail i love you
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
