Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
