it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
