Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
