my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
