How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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