by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
