Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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