i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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