there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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