my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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