So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize