dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
