I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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