I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
