so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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