We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
