I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
