Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
