That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
