Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
