I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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