I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
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I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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