Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
