Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
