if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
