I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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