Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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