somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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