Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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