you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just cut my nipple shaving
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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