so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
